These are some random thoughts ....

Was thinking or wondering why most people are only remembered or probably spoke about after they had died. DOesn't this sound familiar? Close friends or acquaintances will talk about all the good things that the deceased had done or had influenced their lives. Or how their lives had changed and were impacted because of him / her. BUT these words were seldom spoken to the person when he / she was still alive. Ever wondered why this is so? I do wonder why too and I hope I don't do that. Or try not to do that. It'll be good to voice out our words of appreciation whenever we can. It feels nice, really, to have someone telling you how much you are appreciated, or how something you are doing or had done had caused them to be better persons. 

Well, I don't know why I suddenly thought about this. Probably at times I did feel unappreciated that's why. And sometimes wonder how people will describe me at my funeral. Or will there even be people attending my funeral. Haha. And how I wish that I could be there to just listen to what people would say. It's impossible I know. But this is how people are now. They just refused to tell you till the day you're in the coffin. Right right?

College these days are quite ok. Just had two weeks, but maybe one week of lessons. I'm glad when students come to me to tell me about things. Or ask me about something that has nothing to do with studies. I especially like to have more of those. Even as a teacher, I sometimes don't really know how or where I stand. Am I able to reach out to them? Can they understand me? Will they be able to benefit or learn in my class? Do they respect me as a teacher? Can they also see me as a friend? Do they like me? Do they like to be in my class? Are my lessons interesting? Am I able to deliver the necessary knowledge to them? Will they appreciate what I'm doing for them?

Oh probably the appreciation part is not so important. Cos if I keep dwelling on that, it just means that I've no confidence. Or low self esteem. True? Cos when I'm positive and optimistic, I don't need all those to keep me going. I can just go on, even without any words of appreciation. Even after much disappointments, much hurts, etc., I should just go about doing what I've always been doing, or even more. What people say is not important, what's important is still the approval from God.

Haha these are easy words. Cakap saja. Cos I remember I was still sad sometimes wondering if I was doing the right things. Why do I get nothing in return? But good that it was only occasionally, or at times when I felt discouraged.

Ok enough of this. I think I'm more positive now I would say. Some lecturers said I'm a cheerful girl. And I always smile. Yes that's how I want to be this year. I want to be optimistic and happy. I want to give people a comfortable feeling when they are with me. Or I want people to feel comfortable in my presence. And they'll like my company. I want to be nice to people around me. I want to spread the love of Christ to all those who have crossed my path. I want to be a living testimony for Christ. Yes, that's right. I don't want to just sit around doing nothing, or doing my own things. I want to make a difference!

    

This year's Christmas is kinda peaceful. Yes I do like the way Christmas was celebrated this year. Went with my parents to a Christmas Celebration dinner yesterday (23rd). It was held at a hall in Sentul. The name of it sounds like it's one of those school halls (hot and stuffy, dirty, etc). But it's far from that. It was a very nicely decorated hall, giving credit to the members of In Touch Church who had taken time to decorate the place. My parents liked it too. What a relief actually when they said they liked the place, the food and performance. Then came Datuk Chua Jui Meng. His message was awesome. My dad sat there listening attentively to him. Probably cos he knew who Datuk Chua was, so it was easier for him to accept his words. But, as much as I was hoping and praying that they would commit their lives to Jesus at that time, they did not. What a disappointment. But it's ok. I shall not despair.

Today (24th) was a very relaxing day for me. I was free the whole morning. So decided to stay in my room, and tried to sleep longer. Haha tried. I woke up so many times, only to tell myself that it was still early. So I closed my eyes again. This went on till 9 something. I just couldn't tahan already. Got up, walked around. Then went out to collect cakes at a time when it was raining cats and dogs. The lazy me refused to go out before it rained. Then when it started pouring, I had no choice but to go at that time, cos otherwise it'd be too late. I ordered some cakes from Rachel and from a tuition student. Those cakes were wonderful. They were good Christmas gifts too. Then I went over to Wee's house for dinner. Wow Florence cooked turkey for the first time, and it was awesome. A very satisfying dinner indeed. After that, probably I was too full, I just felt like going somewhere. I left her house at 11.40pm, and reached Seri Petaling at 12. But because I didnt't feel like going home yet at that time, I went 'long kai'. One hour of long kai along the KL-Putrajaya highway. Went all the way to the end of the highway at Jalan Tun Razak, made a u-turn, and drove all the way back to the other end of the highway towards KLIA. Then made another u-turn to go home. All in an hour. Haha... Within that one hour, I was listening to only ONE song. 'When A Child Is Born'. This song somehow made me think back about this year, think back about a lot of things. It just created that kinda of atmosphere to be indulged in memories of the past, the present situations and hopes for the future. The song only lasted 3 minutes. So within that time, I had heard the song for more than 20 times.

I was thanking God for all that had taken place this year. Soooo many changes had taken place this year. And through it all, I would say that God has remained faithful. God is indeed a wonderful God to have not given up on me though at times I had wandered away. Without Him, I wouldn't have been so strong and courageous to face the challenges and trials throughout this year. He showed me the light when all I saw was darkness. He walked beside me when I thought I was all alone. He encouraged me when I was down and out. And now, I can say that I'm a totally changed person. Inside and out as well.  

Maybe it'll be good to post these photos. Something progressive...

I've always wanted to write something here but never get to do it. It's either I don't have the time to, or I'm too lazy, or too sleepy, or just lame excuses not to do anything.... I don't quite remember now what I had wanted to write. That's why I put the title as 'Random.' So every paragraph will be on random topics (whatever I can think of.)

Ok this is a list of the things I hope to get for myself in the near future. Near future means it can be next year, next 2 years, or 3 years, or maybe more, but not too long from now. Haha.
1) A PDA Phone (found one that I quite like - HTC Touch RM 1999; gotta wait for the price to drop before I can buy it)
2) Sony Cybershot H3 (was RM 1280 the last time I surveyed, which was few months back; also waiting for the price to drop)
3) A water-based vacuum cleaner (had wanted this since so long ago, but still can't find one that's cheap cheap)
4) A multi-function printer (saw a 6-in-1 for only RM 399, but not so urgent so maybe next time)
5) A cordless phone for my house (maybe not so urgent also because I seldom use the phone in my house, only for my parents)
6) A holiday trip to Cameron Highlands (supposed to go this month, sigh... can't already)


Made a record breaking trip to PC Fair last Friday. Was there from 11am till 7.45pm. Oh wow wow wow... and spent RM 19 for the parking. Had wanted to park outside but it was raining when I reached there, so too bad... I had actually stopped only at a few booths. But spent a long long time at each of those booth. The first was Acer. Asked about the laptop, some comparisons, etc. (this was more because the promoter was blur, she kept going to another person to refer each question I asked.) Then looked around at HP, and stopped at this Twinhead booth. Didn't know that Twinhead is actually a notebook specialist. Why have I not heard of it before? Oh this is the booth that I spent the most time in. Asked this COO so many questions. Haha COO sounded so funny. Chief Operating Officer. I asked him so many comparisons too, cos he's also selling other brands. Negotiated more deals, asked for free gifts, requested more... Hehe... That's what I always do... And after he explained everything, I could still not decide. A laptop is not something that costs a 3 digit ringgit, so how would it be possible for me to decide immediately le.... After an hour of discussion, Jowern called, to find out about computers. Haha so I spent more time negotiating for those computers instead. Good huh... Then went around looking at printers. Supposed to get a 3-in-1 printer for her. Went to Brother, Samsung, Canon, HP.  Also went to search for compatible printer ink, to check in case their printers are cheap but gotta buy expensive ink. The problem with PC Fair is that once you've gotten out of one hall, you can't turn back to the previous hall, so I had to walk a big big round to go back to the first hall. And because there were so many booths, I couldn't remember where the booth was. So again spent so much time doing all those time-wasting acts. Dumb... Also went to Microsoft, Celcom Broadband, Izzi Broadband, Dell, Pikom, Canon, etc. Oh well, though I spent so many hours there, it was a productive day. I was happy at the end of it, got everything that I wanted, and did all that was necessary to be done


Will be starting my new job tomorrow. A bit scary feeling cos it's something new, but I'm excited too. Worked as a teacher in 3 different home schools for 6 years . 3 1/2 years, 2 years, 1/2 a year. 6 years is not very long, but not very short time too. I've at least seen a few of my students through from the time they started till they finished. The last was Jowee. She was also the first that I had helped in preparing for her SAT (mainly Math).

Was I sad on my last day in Pathway? Actually I was. Someone said I had no feelings. Haha. It actually took lots of courage and hard work to contain my feelings. And it was definitely not easy to have a controlled cry. But as a teacher, I had done that so many times before. I couldn't cry in front of my students. And even when I was about to burst into tears, it still had to be a controlled one. Did that in the car before, in the class, ran upstairs, or turned my back ... Yup there were a few occasions that I had actually cried in school. Maybe all different centers la... And for different reasons. In Pathway, I somehow couldn't control anymore and only a few saw me cry. I do miss them. I'm not one who can let go easily, especially of people. That's one reason I could stay so long in home school centers, though there were many good opportunities around. I just could not let go of my students. This last center is also one that I left peacefully. Did a few things for them before I left - 2008 calendar, some forms, charts, invoice, photos, (oh supposed to do a slideshow too, I totally forgot about it). Somehow I was very willing when I did all those, even some were not part of my responsibility. It's just different...

2008 - it'll be a new year, with new experiences, new challenges. I don't know how to describe that kind of excitement, but yes, I AM excited. I somehow have new experiences in my life almost every year. It just makes my life so interesting, never a year is a dull year. I feel like changing my image next year too. Not a drastic change though. Cos I'm still a teacher somehow, can't be too extreme. Haha I thought I look older with long hair, but seems like it's pretty much the same. People still mistaken me as a student... It's good news la actually. Not easy to have that kind of youthful look huh. It's a blessing from God. And probably that's how I can be used by God to reach out to more youths.

Ok. Enough for now... I'm feeling lazy. Give thanks to God for His faithfulness! God is indeed a good God. How I always want to add too that God is a humorous God. Halleluyah....

Going about doing God's work, but have no relationship with God.

Any comments on this?

I do have seasons of this once in a while. Now too I suppose. I've no idea why I just can't get myself to do something. Haven't been spending enough time with God. And I'd say it's because I've been too busy and tired. Of course that's just an excuse. IfI want to, I certainly can have the time. Where have my motivations gone? My discipline? My sense of responsibility? My initiative to do something?

I'm truly inspired by Ps Kevin Loo's sermon on the topic 'The Pursuit of Spiritual Maturity.'  http://www.chc.org.my/audioSermon2.html Dunno why I can't open this.

1 Cor 3:1-2

And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with solid food; for until now you were not able to receive it, and even now you are still not able.

Spiritual maturity is a journey. It is a process that takes a lifetime. Maturity cannot progress in the absence of trials and testing. Mature believers take initiative. Spiritual maturity is not just the ability to hear God's voice, but to execute God's intentions.

Don't make life's decisions based on experience / emotions / feelings. Don't build your life based on experience. Your experience may be true, but it cannot replace the truth. Don't preach experience just because you had it. Jesus depended on the Word of God. Your one experience will not take you a lifetime. Only the truth of the Word of God can.

Count on the Word of God. Let the Word of God be the foundation of your life.

To be spiritually mature, you need to have RESPONSIBILITY, SENSITIVITY & PRODUCTIVITY.

A mature and responsible person always fulfills the task given.

A mature and responsible person does what is necessary.

To be sensitive is the ability to know what others want.

You refrain yourself from doing wrong things, not because of fear, but because you love God.

Maturity is the ability to know God's heart.

Productivity is the sign of maturity.

Don't ask for an easy life; ask for greater strength from God.

Develop a teachable heart.

I really really need to build on my relationship with God. Yes that shall be my goal for now.

This is my first blog in Xanga. Yes I don't always update my blog. I actually have many reasons to that. One, I've no time to. Two, I'm just plain lazy. Three, I don't want people to read it. Four, I've no idea what to write. Five, my thoughts are too random and I can't seem to organize them to put in here.

 

Oh well, I suppose when I blog in here, a Xanga one, not many people will read it. So maybe I'll write more..... or try to write more. Oh well, but sometimes I may think that there's nothing interesting to write about. Wonder how some people can update their blogs everyday.

 

There're two parts that I wanna write about today. One good, one not so good. Here goes...

 

I'm especially happy this month in terms of finance. Will have more income, thanks to the many new tuition classes that I'm having. 2 new classes this month. Last month too. Give thanks to God Almighty who answers prayers all the time. I'm just so amazed at how He has caused things to happen in such a way that it is always for the good of us. But the problem is, I'll be very tired. Indeed since July, I've been very tired, lack of sleep, been blur most of the time. Wonder if this is good or bad. Maybe there's always a price to pay. Can't get the best of everything. Nevertheless, I still thank God for His providence. I'd rather be working hard now that I still can. I need to settle all my debts. I don't know how long that will take, but I know for sure I will be able to, with God's help of course.

 

Oh maybe I'll put in here one of the many blur stuff I did. Last Sunday, I wonder how my thoughts had deceived me into thinking I was wearing my contacts, or wore my contacts. So happily I went out. Had tuition early in the morning before church. Went out at 7.00am, isn't that early on a Sunday morning? That time, I still didn't realize anything. It was because for the past many days, most probably due to lack of sleep, my vision had been kinda blur. So the whole time, I was thinking, "Oh no, my eyesight has gone worse again, power had increased, aaahh..." Tried to dismiss that thought the whole day. And it was a busy day for me, cos after church I still had 2 other tuition classes (replacement classes). And I strangely didn't suspect anything at all. So how did I ever find out about it? Haha, I did not, until I was about to sleep. I was going about my usual routine of having to take my contacts out and wash up. So ar... I took the lens case, and eh... wondered how come it was closed. (I'd normally leave it open to dry after washing the case). And me being blur, still was not aware that I wasn't wearing my contacts. So I was there, wondering, and still wondering. So finally opened the case, saw the contacts there... And still wanna wonder why it was there. Was it another pair that I had?? Haha. Crazy enough I went to the mirror to check. Hahaha finally I believed and accepted the fact. Good story of a blur or dumb dumb act? Maybe this is the best one so far, that I remember. There're others too of course, maybe those were not as dumb.

 

So the lesson is..... hmmm what's the lesson? Your thoughts can deceive you? Seeing is believing? Don't fool yourself? No no..... the lesson is..... GET ENOUGH SLEEP! Hahaha.....

 

 

To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep. ~Joan Klempner~